1. |
and not for long
02:31
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the rider is falling off the horse
the airplane is blowing off its course
the hills are growing past the stone
and i am knowing what i have not known
the the moon is tuning into me
the hill is turning into the sea
and i am remaining here
i am still here
i am here
and not for long
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2. |
changing
00:26
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oh, don't look at me, i am changing
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3. |
too much
00:46
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i am too big
i am too much
i am too bad
it's too much
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4. |
a jeremiad
03:58
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5. |
going to go insane
00:39
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i am going to go insane if it doesn't rain
i am going to get upset if you don't come visit
i am going to get upset if you don't visit me in the rain
i am going to go, going to go, going to go insane
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6. |
men
01:18
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when i was young, i got hurt
when i grew older, i still got hurt
i don't doubt that i'll get hurt again
as long as there are men
when i was young, i got raped
when i moved out, i never could escape
i don't doubt that i will hurt more
until every man is a dinosaur
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7. |
what do i call you?
01:05
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what do i call you when you're upset?
what should i call you when you end up dead?
what do i want? what do you want?
why do you want me to be alive
when that is all i don't want to be?
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8. |
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death is real
and so is life
i have more success
accepting the first part of that statement
but that doesn't mean life isn't real
death is real
and so is love
and i don't know if i can love myself
but i can love my friends
because they don't have anyone else
and that is sad
cuz i love them
and that's not fair
and that's the end
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9. |
it/self
02:16
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don't look for me in a book
don't look for me in a photo
because i am not just a image of myself
i am a visage of self itself
don't look for me inside this song
don't look for me inside my body
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10. |
pathetic prophetic
01:18
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i am pathetic,
the prophecy!
i am prophetic,
i don't see.
to be pathetic is to renounce your self
to be a prophet is to go to hell
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11. |
blade of grass
04:43
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i am a bad person
i am vain
i get attached to problems
i try to save
i'm not gonna save the world
i'm not gonna save my life
i'm not gonna ever be a trophy wife
i am a complex human
i am a person with issues
i am more than a human
i am more than my tissue
i am a soul
but that isn't enough
do you ever look out the window and wonder
why you aren't a tree?
do you ever look at a garden and say
why can't that be me?
why can't my job be to grow,
and grow for myself?
i don't know how to take care of myself
i only know how to feel bad i'm not taking care of others
i read an article that said blades of grass
can talk to each other with paths
and i don't know if i could believe that
but if it's true, then i'm no better than the grass
i'm a blade of grass
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12. |
ok, gay, fat
01:42
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sometimes i'm ok
sometimes i feel gay
sometimes i'm ok with that
and sometimes i am fat
sometimes i'm ok
and sometimes i am gay
sometimes i'm ok with that
and other times i am fat
but that is that
and fat is fat
and gay is gay
and i'm still ok and
i'm still gay and
i'm still gay and
i'm still gay and
i'm still gay and
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13. |
i know you are alone
03:13
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i know you are alone
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14. |
dissociation
02:33
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dissociation is cold
when you dissociate you still get old
but sometimes i am a child
and sometimes i dissociate for a while
time is a game i don't know how to win
time is a jelly i spread too thin
time is nothing but i am even less
so don't get upset when i forget
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15. |
my heart is an engine
02:01
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my heart is an engine
and my car is a tank
my soul is a engine
and i only have you to thank
i don't know if i can get there
i don't have enough fuel
but i can only hope you will be there soon
my heart is an engine
my life is a truck
i know that i was put on this earth to fuck
i know i was put on this earth to fuck
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16. |
i'm not scared
00:26
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i'm not scared of dying, i'm scared of not living
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17. |
i am revenge
03:05
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i come bearing the load of many thousand men
i come with the angels. i am Revenge
i come and go as i please
i come and go and i am relieved
i am never pleased
i am never released
i am forty little girls inside a red, red robe
i am twenty naked men tied with one rope
i am a ghost of control
i am overflow
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18. |
routine
01:15
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routine is hard for me
it doesn't make me feel any better
routine is hard for me
and i know it's supposed to be better
than whatever the fuck i do
but that doesn't mean it makes me true
wake up and take your meds
and get vitals and get fed
and eat breakfast and drink the gross coffee
then it's time for group
then it's time for meeting
then it's time for therapy
then it's time for beading
then i don't have anything else to do today
cuz today i'm not going to group
cuz today i'm not telling the truth
cuz today i am so very bored and that's ok
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19. |
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ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding
my phone always goes off around you
my phone always goes off around you
with a ding, and a ding, and a bing bing bing
with a ding, with a ding, with a bing bing bing
with a ding, and a ding, and a ding-ity-ding
my phone goes off
but i am tough
and i am rough and tough
and i am tough
and i can take the pain i can take it i can take it
i can take the hurt you do give
i can hurt i can hurt i can hurt i can hurt
i can go to bed without a supper
i can go to bed and i can suffer
with a ding, with a ding, with a ding, with a ding,
with a ding, with a ring, with a ring, with a ring
with a bing and a bing and a ding and a ding
and a whole lot of suffering
and a whole lot of suffering,
with a whole lot of pain
and a ding and a ding and a ding and a ding
and a i can make my phone ring
i can make my phone ring
i can make my phone ring
i can make my phone ring
and I can feel
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20. |
crying dehydrates you
01:42
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please remember to drink water when you cry
please don't ever lie
crying dehydrates you
and lying doesn't get you anywhere
we all need help
and i will get you there
take care of yourself
take care of your body
i don't know what else to say
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21. |
trauma
01:56
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trauma doesn't go away
the past is something that doesn't change
therapy is the future
but the future's looking bad
trauma is the horizon
trauma is the map
i will find a way
i will find a way
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22. |
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23. |
meds
01:31
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8 milligrams of estradiol
twice a day 100 milligrams of progesterone
clonidine twice a day
klonopin .25 in the morning and at night
(in the morning and at night)
wellbutrin in the morning
lexapro at night
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||||
neither Providence, Rhode Island
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